- by Ronnie Herrema
Honesty and Ego
One of the reasons you always tell the truth—how you feel, what you see, your perspective, your feelings—and be honest with people as often as possible, no matter how painful... is because you find out if you’re dealing with an ego or a true self; for you and for the other person.
Egos: cannot hear you, don’t understand, get defensive, angry, make excuses, deflect, project, blame you or something else, attack, or, if none of that works—run away.
They do this because the Ego has no power source, because it isn’t real. It’s the thing we want people to think of us, how we want to be perceived, talked about.
Ego is not who we are, it’s who we want people to think we are, and, also, who we think we are.
And because it’s an idea, it has no life of its own and is only empowered when someone agrees with your idea of it. So it thrives on external input, and also freaks out when external data doesn’t line up with it. So when we want to be perceived as caring, and someone points out we are insensitive, our ego panics because it’s only source of power—validation—let us down.
Egos are tiring to maintain, because they have no life of their own, so they ask you, like a battery, to give them life. They drain us because to power them takes more energy than the energy they give back. It comes and goes and even when we hit our Ego goal, it lets us down and makes us feel tricked.
The ego, never satisfies.
Once you give life to it, it demands you to think about it constantly. Like a little helpless baby (that you don’t love) that is scared, needs attention, cries, wines and can do nothing without you.
The false self is tiring to live with. Real selves are not ideas. You are who you are. Regardless of what you think about you or what others think about you, you’re you. You’re the thing above the idea. The thing bigger than a perception.
The real you is, above all, real;
and eternal; and powerful; and messy; and colorful; and flexible; and authentic; and loving;
the real you is love itself.
That’s your core.
The real you can take criticism and complaints and can face its failures and mistakes and errors because it knows:
a) every human constantly and always shares these flaws and,
b) these moments don’t define you.
A flaw is not the whole picture. So it takes those moments lightly, just as it takes its moments of glory lightly. We’re not always entirely good, and we’re not always entirely bad. We are both, and that is what is good!
And if we are to grow, a sense of lightness, grace, honesty and flexibility with ourselves is the water needed to grow the seed.
So our real selves can have real conversations because it doesn’t feel threatened.
Not because it’s right.
Because it’s not afraid of being wrong.
And it can listen, because it knows, even if the other person is talking from their ego, egos aren’t real; so it can sift, listen, sort and wait for that person to say what they’re really trying to say, so two real selves can talk together.
Our real selves are eternal, and, on some deep level, when we connect to this and know this, we realize nothing can be taken from us. When we’re eternal, we possess it all, so there’s nothing to fear.
Someone can only take from you what you give them, so even when hurt; it can bless and even when stolen from; it can feel rich. For a real self always holds its treasure in places unseen. So be honest.
Sometimes when we’re scared to be honest with someone, it shows we’ve been powering and agreeing with that persons ego. We’ve grown accustomed to the lie they’re living, and we’ve now become a guilty power helping supporting it.
Honesty doesn’t speak to the ego, it speaks to the heart.
Honesty with someones ego shows compassion and the utmost respect. Why? Because, even if their ego freaks out, you are showing them that you are not talking to their false self, but to their true. You believe they are better than that and stronger. They are strong enough to handle it. To withhold honesty means you don’t believe their true self is strong, which is a lie. So we repent, and apologize for viewing our fellowman through their lower, lesser, false self. We admit we’ve viewed them as weak and inferior, and begin to give them the decency of the truth.
Honesty (like the word of god) cuts through the egos bones and marrow, to the heart. It doesn’t always feel good. It’s sometimes scary as hell, but it always, with some patience, brings about healing. Because honesty sheds light. And only when we walk in the light can we have fellowship with one another.
So may we be honest with each other,
Willing to work through the egos fake world of guilt and shame and blame and anger, knowing that once we get there, the best relationship is two real selves connecting heart to heart.
Ronnie is an artist who's ideas have launched businesses, apps, music albums, and as of late, cartoons. You can visit his website here. He thinks outside the box but don't tell him that, he doesn't believe in boxes, unless you're in a movie cinema. Ronnie lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, U.S.A with his wife Anna and their three boys Jack, Griffin and Maverick. See previous articles by Ronnie Herrema