• by Ronnie Herrema

Sunday Morning Blues

This day has become something I dread Singing and clapping verses laying in bed It’s never been cool not even at first to justify this cause, I've found not a verse I still cannot tell why my mom makes me go for all morning I watch as she puts on her show It begins as I stand in the mirror with a stare as she sprays down my head perfecting every hair I feel I'm being had. Like I'm up for sale On my way to school for grown-up show and tell ---------------- Now all tidied up I head for the car with slow bitter steps like a drunk from a bar Orders and laws are being repeated reminding us all how she must be treated Like a military briefing when sent on a mission I’ve heard it all before but in fear I listened None of this would matter, none of this would be If I could just go back and make myself three When life was so bright and nothing much mattered when Sunday was fun, full of games and laughter I don’t know why Sunday had to change like God was not happy with the fun and the games I'll feel kind of bad but I only want to go To see that cute girl, I think her name is Nicole Well maybe I get it, maybe it’s quite clear its really about rules; like don’t swear or drink beer It’s not about friends and relationships too It’s about the lifelong focus of what we ought not do I wish I would have known all of this stuff Then I could have made God happier when games weren't enough I'm glad that I know now, that I know whats true for its simply lawful duty and prayer I must do As long as I show up with a smile on my face things do not matter like forgiveness and grace In the middle of the song I feel a sharp sting its behind my right arm as two fingers pinch me Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. That must be my cue for my mom just saw her girlfriend named Sue I then pretend to mouth the words to the song feeling like I have done something wicked and wrong I'm sorry Lord. I'm sorry. Is what goes through my head As a tidal wave of guilt grows like the leaven inside bread I watch as hundreds sing right along to a song out of context written totally wrong I watch as my mom waves and half hugs the gals I watch how my dad shakes hands with his pals I cant wait till I'm grown up when some day I'll be perfect like them doing all the right things As the songs blaze on I look to and fro, wondering which adult will win best in show ---------------- I search out the kids for someone my age To see if their faces display my felt rage My eyes meet Jimmy, and a frown takes over because his eyes are closed and he doesn’t bother to look around the room and dare not to sing Man, he must love God. Whats wrong with me? Or maybe he's caught in the same little spell this devilish parade of religious show and tell For even thinking these thoughts I’m scared I could be, the evil described on the pages we read So, I try as I can to stir up emotion like lifting my hands will cause heavenly commotion Like Jesus will pleasantly smile from the sky as I lift my hands with no clue why A girl sings on stage I can’t help but look at her form thinking surely in church, this I could ignore I shut my eyes tight to focus on the song instead I picture a naked girl, no wait..she's wearing a thong Am I the only one who deals with these things Like the boy on my left, I wonder what he sees? I'm starting to think that I've got a problem I’m clearly not cut out for this religion I’m in Truth is, I go to church just to see all my friends to be a Ranger Scout and play till days end I think thats ok, as long as I don’t tell God or my mom for I'd for sure go to hell ---------------- So what happened to laughing, games and the fun when thousands of years ago all this had begun

Was this what was meant, was this all foreseen? Or have we been tricked and made to believe, that its not about God and the love of His son but being morally perfect putting our flesh on the run Why do we seek the approval of man like they can redeem you, if your tall, dark and tan? I realize now that the hairspray and tie the make-up and jewellery are merely a lie An attempt to free you from your burden of sin as long as no one sees what’s really within As long as you keep your image upheld You'll surely be saved from the fiery hell So wake up early and put on your best for the Sunday morning service covers the rest The rest of a week which really don’t matter as long as you pray and read every chapter The service is over I was 'bout to fall asleep and that wouldn’t have been good, for at home I'd been beat Just a few more smiles and a picture to paint so everyone can see, mommy's little saint ---------------- After long empty talks we head for the car I know whats ahead, in trouble we are For my brother made the same mistake as I as tired as he was sleep pulled on his eyes I'm ready for this, I've prepared myself As she yells and she scolds, I'll just think of cute elves “Why didn’t you lift your hands as we sang? Why didn’t you smile as the church bells rang? I cant believe how embarrassed I am It's all because of you not lifting your hands Oh my lord, what are my friends gonna think? Now I'm a bad mom cause you didn’t sing You’re grounded boy. To your room you must go! Till you learn to love God and join us in the show! You know God’s mad. You know your making Him sad. Cause your not obeying by clapping your hands. I hope you'll see your cold and hard heart. I hope you'll learn to memorize your part.” ------------- Oh I'm so confused. I don’t know what to do For she is my mom, and what she says is true Because she prays to God, and reads all His word Yet I somehow don’t think it’s His voice she’s heard Or maybe she has, so I guess that I'm wrong Maybe He told her to tell me to sing right along That must be it, Oh how excited I am! For I definitely know that singing I can Oh you watch what happens, you watch what comes next For when I grow up, I'll become the best I'll keep this in mind and play right along I’ll jump up and down. I’ll sing a good song -------------------- You should have seen the act that I played when I saw my friends get spiritually slain I knew what to do, it was all in my head I just fell to the ground and kinda played dead Then I dizzily stood with starry like eyes I hoped it looked real, cause boy did I try My friends we all hugged and prayed for each other I went right along because what’s real doesn’t matter ----------------- Oh I feel so alone, I'm hurting I admit but everyone loves this costume I'm in So I'll just go on and try not to cry cause God forbid I declare it’s a lie It really don’t matter though. I'll be ok As long as I'm perfect on every Sunday ---------------- I wish I could find somebody like me who isn’t so perfect and sparkly clean I wish I could feel like I’m actually saved Like satan won’t greet me as I enter my grave All I need is someone to talk to who sees naked girls when they pray, just like I do But alone I wait under a cute little halo that looks like smiles and sounds like Bibles But don’t worry, I can handle the rest of the week for thats when I'm free, thats when I’m — me When I'm out in the woods and I'm playing a game A G.I. Joe, some dirt, and maybe some rain For this is where the real me comes out where I can play in the dirt away from the house The house where my costume so neatly hangs It’s probably being washed and pressed for Sunday But don’t you worry. I wont say a word Or should I speak up and make myself heard? Oh what am I thinking that wouldn’t be a fix That would only make them mad like Ecclesiastes did Ok. Ok. I'll just shut up for if I said these things I’m totally fucked So I'll keep this my secret, in fact I'll hold it all in I'll cover it up every day that I live But I need to do something to take my mind off this mess I need to go somewhere to get rid of the stress I imagine what it was like, in the days of Eden when everything was ok like an eternal vacation No do's and don’t-s and friends to impress No rules of the church and status to bench press ---------------- I think I want out, I wanna go back I don’t want to grow up and be like that I wanna have fun, I wanna be me because, in my opinion, that’s why he died on the tree I thought He took care of all of our mess forever and ever, nothing more nothing less There's a famous story that I'll try to retell About some guy named Adam who ate an apple and fell I think that's how sin entered the world When a big snake that had legs deceived the first girl I think that's how this whole thing started Because one man fell, now were all spiritually retarded? But I think it’s in the Bible somewhere That a man named Jesus some how broke the spell It says He died for you and for me He went to the cross so we could be free He took our sins and everything evil he disarmed the rulers and some guy named the devil It said He stripped them and took off their armor He paraded them in heaven then took all their power Then three days later He rose from the grave He did this all declaring “We’re gonna be ok.” Isn’t that the least we could do? For God and His Son? Just accept what he did and go have some fun? Maybe share the news and help lift the gloom that we can drop our charades, our perfect costumes Stop going to buildings and meetings and acting like clowns. The whole world is a church. Your heart is a house Don’t accept all this crap about the fall of man for though Adam #1 couldn’t save you, the second Adam can Stop longing for Eden because that was just the first chapter Lift your eyes, look ahead and dream of something better

Ronnie Herrema is an artist who's ideas have launched businesses, apps, music albums, and as of late, cartoons. He thinks outside the box but don't tell him that, he doesn't believe in boxes, unless you're in a movie cinema. Ronnie lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan, U.S.A with his wife Anna and their three boys Jack, Griffin and Maverick.

See all previous articles by Ronnie Herrema

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